eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
