I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
