Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
