I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
