you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
