Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Send help, water and tortillas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
