I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is Oprah even human
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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