Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
More tranny stories later!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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