took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think people are normalizing furries
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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