Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
