i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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