i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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