used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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