I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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