I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
