Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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