the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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