It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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