i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
