I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
someone owes me an orgasm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
