john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize