i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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