I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
