It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
