plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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