I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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