I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
