I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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