My friends, they love my intelligence
Girls should come with a carfax report
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
