You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my liver is dry heaving
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
