fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
