good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
