I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
