im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A bitchslap is in order.
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