I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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