if i can run in heels then i can drive
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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