More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
