So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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