It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
