I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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