This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
