yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
