Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
