The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
