saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
