we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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