if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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