she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
