i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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