Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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