I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
