is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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