Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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