So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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