Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
