It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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