i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
