Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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