you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
