I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
