i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
