ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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