Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
