ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
