wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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