I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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