U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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