god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
