period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
