I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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