so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
