: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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