So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
