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The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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