i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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