I wish I could teleport
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
