Who wears a wallet chain?!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
