does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's great music for shaving your balls
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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