You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
