I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
