I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
