So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize