You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
