I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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