her vagine was all disorganized.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
