Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
