So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bring me that man meat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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